BY CHERYL WELLS
I love women’s events! Throughout my life I have gone to lots of wonderful things that are for women only, whether it was a conference I was attending or one I was speaking at. Since Covid many of those kinds of things have shut down because of the isolation that came as a result of it. Isolation is not good for any of us because it breeds shame and fear in the loneliness of it all. Women thrive in connection that is intimate, sharing their hearts and their hurts. Sharing their grief and their sorrows, as well as their joys and their celebrations. I love to watch women celebrate together. It’s so beautiful to see women love on one another in large and small groups. Doesn’t it just make you smile to think about it?
I just took a group of 16 women to a Thrive Conference in Minnesota called Wonder, and there were almost 4,000 women there. It was good for my soul, and I could tell it was good for theirs too. Women of all ages gathered for about 36 hours at the Rochester Convention Center. It was sweet to see the young mommas with babies there, as well as the elderly women that were being attended to as they walked and had to climb steps to find seats. I hurt my foot a while ago and so I was struggling with getting around in my little boot, but different people in my group would hold my hand or arm and help me to get around too. There was so much love and care in that big room and it was so beautiful. The time there was so good for me to be able to participate and fill my own cup.
It truly is amazing to witness the wonder of our holy God in the context of His creation. With all the different things that we witnessed together there was awe and wonder with each person that shared their experience in life and how God used it. We are His most exquisite creation, and we carry God because we are made in His image. We don’t see it in our own life because we don’t have perspective that others have who are watching it from a distance. There also has to be the aspect of time and seasons that changes everything. How many times have we thought something would never change, but that wasn’t true. Healing did come, the pain did stop, the hard work did pay off, trusting God with the uncertainty was the right thing to do that made the difference, redemption is available for each of us. Miracles do happen.
There were several different topics from the speakers that spoke to me, but I really liked Natalie Runion who talked about what does it mean to be raised to stay. Her story was really interesting about how God just whispered it in her head and heart one day that she was raised to stay. She went through a journey where God began to reveal to her what that meant and how to use it to help people to stay, to persevere and wait in the hard places in order to receive the good out of a really hard season. There is divine purpose in our pain when we submit it to our faithful God. Before you get upset with me and think I am saying something that isn’t healthy, hear me out.
I would never tell someone to stay in a dangerous situation or be a doormat. In recovery we can take healthy steps, and we can learn to have good boundaries that protect us and that lead to a better way of really living. Getting good counsel and new kinds of therapy are so key to family systems becoming functional and quite possibly could be the first time in your family line. There is such a difference between form and substance in our lives. With our culture it hasn’t helped us because people can show really good “form” on social media and with pictures and even jargon. But to learn to take that form and fill it in with substance that is authentic is what will transform our lives. Recovery will come and life can get better if we are willing to do our part and come out of denial and hiding. We can admit what is true and we can be moved to action if necessary.
When we have a moment of truth and we become aware of something in our life that is not good, it most times involved others too. Even if they don’t like our truth, it doesn’t matter. At that point we must take responsibility for what we know and do the hard thing. It doesn’t mean that we throw everything out, that we run and hide and never go back or think that there could be redemption. God will lead, God will help, and He is the One that can handle it and handle you. Over time and with good help and therapy, healing will come, and recovery is possible. Someday God will use it and use you to come alongside others. The Bible talks about how we can be like a tree planted by the water whose roots go down deep. In recovery we begin to grow roots that go down deep and that nourish us and hold us strong. There is a depth that comes to us when we walk through hard things, and we persevere and trust God. When we trust God, then we can start to trust ourselves also and trusting others will return too.
Staying can be explained also as waiting and expecting good things. What seemed like the most horrible and painful situation can someday come back around and be a blessing that you never imagined. I have experienced this, and God has given me perspective about so many things that has changed what I think about it. Sometimes it takes 40 years for that, but what an unexpected delight when you see the wonder of God in a room full of broken women being real. That’s substance and I loved the authenticity and how it helped each woman to want it.
