WRITTEN BY CHERYL WELLS
It’s funny sometimes when you find yourself sharing about a topic that sounds really confident and yet you know your natural tendency is probably the opposite. I am going to travel and speak at a women’s leadership event called Bridging the Gap about being stronger than the storms. I know that I am well able to speak about storms and the journey that is so personal and has so profoundly impacted my growth through the years. I have said many times that I have c c c courage to do what needs to be done. Truth is I am by human nature a coward and I used to be “afraid of my shadow”, or so my mom says. I am probably one of the least likely people to endure the storms that have come, and yet I have learned how to be quiet and confident in the middle of what would trouble my soul. Most people say that they can’t help but be a certain way because that’s just the way they are and that it’s from their upbringing. I most times will challenge the person about what they believe and are living out. I believe that I am given the right to do that when others want to meet and talk about their journey, and we have built the relationship that can allow them to receive a new truth that will change their perspective. I can say this because I have had huge shifts in my perspective through the years and how I have looked at so many things. I have continued to ask God for truth to replace the lies and distortions of my experiences.
I was born in 1960 to a middle-class family, blue collar workers that knew how to work and wanted more opportunities than they had, my family looked like they had more than they did. My dad had lost both of his parents before he was 20 and he had gone into the Marines, which is a breed of its own. My dad worked super hard to provide for us and when the odds were against him, he always made a way. That’s the kind of man he was and from the time I was little I always believed that my dad could do anything. This little girl loved her daddy, and he was my hero. I never said he was perfect, and I have shared many things about the dysfunction in our family. I am very grateful for the hard work and the grit that my dad had. Anthony Samuel Abramo was born the oldest child of Samuel and Violet Abramo in Sioux City, Iowa. Dad helped to raise his younger brother Sam after both of his parents passed away while Sam was in high school. I had a difficult relationship with my father through the years as he battled with addiction later in his life. It’s interesting to me when I think about the influence of my dad in my life now that I have gotten older and learned a lot about leadership from John Maxwell. He says that leadership is influence, nothing more and nothing less. Influence is where I’m going here and I’m thinking about the influence of my father on my life and the lives of others.
I’ve been thinking again about two things that have meant the most to me from my John Maxwell training – The 5 Levels of Leadership and the 4 Stages of Influence. The legacy that I see now from dad is that he modeled so many things for me by what I saw him do over and over. I of course remember when I was young and felt the leadership of my dad because of who he was in my life and when I was little, I had to do what he wanted me to because he was my parent. That’s the first level of leadership. As I got older, I can see now that there was a point where I gave him permission to speak into my life because of the relationship that we had and how we began to be emotionally connected in a way that was a positive thing, and his influence was a good motivation. I see the effects of the relationship and how it has helped me reached potential in many ways. I think because of dad’s addiction and where I was at personally in my life as a child and even young adult, some of that was clouded for me and also stunted my growth then, but as I started to heal and see things differently, I was able to grow. The 2nd level of leadership according to Maxwell is the level of permission that is built on relationship that is earned and in my adult years of about 30 plus we were definitely there, and I loved spending time with him. I heard stories and I witnessed things in my dad’s life where he was developing people through his work, and I watched my dad learn and work hard as he came alongside of others to mentor them. My dad worked for the City of Sioux City as a leader, and he had young men and women that learned from him, and he loved working with them. The third level is leadership that produces because of how others see what you have done for the organization, and it leads next to the reproduction of that. My father was developing me and many others, and he was adding value to my life in ways that I didn’t see at the time.
It’s beautiful for me so see for the first time that my ability to stand strong in the hard times came from my dad. He was a multiplier through his influence and a pinnacle leader in my life, and I love and honor and respect him so much. He struggled a lot in the later years of his life but endured strong to the end when he passed. I knew when he died that the message for me in how all that happened was that he fought the biggest battle of his life when he passed, and he finished strong. He did that for himself with Jesus and he did it for me. He chose to believe God for His salvation, and it was counted as right in the sight of God.
I’m speaking at this conference about staying strong in the storms of life and that ability for me has come by persevering in the pain and the waiting. There is not an easy answer other than you have to walk through it and trust when it doesn’t look like it will turn out for good. I can tell you that it has worked for me and for many others that have chosen to take the narrow path and walk with fortitude in what might seem like a dark time. The darkest times for me many times over the years were about things with my family, whether it was some scary stuff with my dad or things with my children; as well as tough things that Mike and I might have been going through with the businesses or in our personal relationship. That’s the stuff that hurts or that causes the most anxiety. But there was always a turning point where I would release the control and trust when it seemed unbearable, and God would show up when it seemed like it was too late to me.
What a blessing this has been to see as I look back how my father was such an influence and an example of leadership, even in the struggle and right at the last minute of his life and breath. I knew God spoke that to me back then, but I have a totally different perspective today. Isn’t that just like God to bring a new revelation by His Spirit when I draw close and ask for it.
Thanks God and thanks Dad.
