WRITTEN BY CHERYL WELLS
I love being a mom and a grandma for so many reasons, and that just increases over the years. My oldest grandson, Landon, just got accepted into medical school and my two oldest granddaughters, Peyton and Kenzie, just graduated from high school in the last few days and I got to spend some really sweet times with all of them in the midst of that. There were all the last things that go along with graduating, as well as all the family events and celebrations, and rightfully so. Landon has been at the University of Iowa for the last six years preparing for what he loves and will be working towards becoming a brain surgeon and doing research for inventing a medical device used for that. Peyton will be going to Iowa State and Kenzie to University of Nebraska/Omaha, this fall to continue their education and life experiences. I know that they all will do well as they have been given a legacy of godly faith and love from their parents and grandparents on both sides. No, we have not lived perfect lives, nor have we escaped from generational family dysfunctions that touch all of humanity, but instead they have been raised in an atmosphere where there has been much talk and work done in recovery and transformational living.
I am reading a new book right now called Think Again by Adam Grant. Brene’ Brown says it is the right book for right now and it’s also been said that it is “guaranteed to make you rethink your opinions.” I would say that has been the best thing for me throughout my life because in my late twenties I realized how powerful my thoughts and opinions were. Not that what I thought was helpful or even true, but that I lived out of what I thought my truths were and that was keeping me trapped in less than what God had for me. Adam Grant said that “when it comes to knowledge and opinions…we tend to stick to our guns. Psychologists call this seizing and freezing. We favor the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt, and we let our beliefs get brittle before our bones.”
I have learned how important it is to reevaluate and rethink those things that I held onto desperately, even though it had caused great harm to my soul. I’m not saying that like it is a one and done, but the opposite is true. It’s a continual journey that I have been on since then and I’m grateful for the painful growth. I have had so many people in my life that have modeled this for me and have held my hand through the toughest times while loving me and allowing me to choose. Because of the trusted relationships, they were given the right to speak their truth to me at critical times. Proverbs 27:6 says, “faithful are the wounds of a friend” and I still need friends and family in my life that will say what is needed for my good. I love living in community with people that understand this and live by it. We are very intentional about being in friend groups and work teams that practice healthy living using godly accountability, as well as book studies and inner healing therapy. I’m so grateful for the growth that has continued in my life that has brought great freedom and healing to my soul.
Reading stories or telling stories to my children and grandchildren through the years has been a constant pastime. Stories about my own life and growth, as well as stories about my children and grandchildren have been really good to build connection. The grandchildren love stories about their parents, as well as those about themselves when they were born and when they were young. As they get older, they really like to hear about grandma and grandpa and things that seem so far removed from their own lives. We have tried to tell stories that remind them of who they are and also the stories that might impact how they think and look at their own life situations and even difficulties. Times like these through the years with the grandchildren has built this special bond of safety and quiet love that goes unspoken at times, but other times is very much discussed and promoted. It has created honest, open communication that fosters intimacy in our relationships through vulnerability in sharing the stories that need to be shared. Through the years as they got older those moments have continued and increased in the intensity of the vulnerability so that things could come out that need to be shared with both my children and grandchildren.
I believe and hope that it has created authenticity that is very loving and safe, and that will lead to emotional intelligence. I had no idea what that meant or how to even get to my emotions as a child and into my adulthood. It took me a lot of years to open my eyes fully and come out of the denial because it was like I was asleep and unaware of so much. It became my drug of choice and then other ways of coping became very destructive patterns that hurt me and others close to me. God has turned around so much in my life and in my thinking. It turns out that we live out of what we believe to be true and what we have allowed in our heart. The Bible says, “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” I try to intentionally do a little heart check up regularly with the Lord, giving Him access to my thoughts and heart. I trust Him and I know it is for my good and I want His will to be done. It has become a time for me to surrender my will and my thoughts through reflecting and thinking with God about what I am stuck on and obsessing about. God is so good to redirect me and bring me to peace and rest. I hope and pray that I am planting seeds that will bear good fruit in those coming after me, and I know that I can trust that. There is great freedom in living and trusting.
