Story of Grace


In the middle of a dark night of the soul, God whispered to me that His grace was sufficient for me, and at that moment everything became clear. All the confusion and chaos that had been clouding me were just swept away. That for me was a kiss from my King and again spoke to my heart of His amazing love and care, His provision for me in my weakness.  Sleep was again sweet to me and my world became quiet and peaceful because of His words and the truth that it brought me. I had been struggling with what my response should be in a very difficult situation in my life and also had been seeking God about my part in it. What had I done and what should I do now? As a God fearing woman with a big heart that also knows the responsibility and the calling of leadership, I am faced many times with things that seem like there is no easy answer and what is the right thing to do? I knew I needed God’s grace for me and also I wanted to be gracious in this situation.

I am very conscientious about the things that I do and the decisions that I have to make every day in my business and my ministry. In the midst of that struggle sometimes I can still get caught up in condemnation and through the years God has been teaching me about what grace really looks like. I had years of struggling with understanding and receiving grace and God allowed me to learn a really big lesson about 9 years ago. I had a crash and God allowed that to happen to me to show me that I had a big crack in my foundation. It was truly His love and grace in my life and I will forever be grateful. That crash was all inclusive; it was spiritual, emotional, mental, and even physical. In the darkness that I found myself in, and I couldn’t see or hear or sense God’s presence, He taught me grace. Yes, He allowed me to go to the darkest, scariest place and find that He was there with me. Genesis 1 says – Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. The Spirit of God hovers over our darkness and our mess and He was there with me.  He became so real to me and God showed me that no matter what things seem like, or how far I fall, He is there to pick me up.  He will never leave me or forsake me. The promises of scripture are true and no matter what I go through or how dark it may seem, these things are not in vain. There is a purpose for what God allows to those that love Him and know HIm.

Yes, I knew Him and He knew me. He knew what I needed and He knows what I needed yesterday and even tomorrow. I can trust that no matter what happens or what the demands are for me, that His grace is sufficient. I can totally relate to Paul when he said in 1 Corinthians 15 that he was the least of the apostles and did not even deserve to be called an apostle because of his past.  I am a woman with a past.

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them – yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.  (1 Corinthians 15:10)

I trust His grace and He covers me every day with His righteousness. That means that I am forgiven when I fail, and that He is changing me and every day He gives me God sized things to accomplish. I am resting and abiding in His love and working as He shows me what to do – and what not to do. I agree with Paul and with God that His grace to me was not without effect. When I have to face difficult things I will remember that if God is for me who can be against me. I have nothing to fear. The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. I think I know what I need to do in this situation. I will pray and wait and trust that His power will be made perfect in my weakness. His grace truly is enough for me.